I started out boxing in 2015 in graduate school and I really got into it. I didn’t realize over the next three years how much it would dictate my life as I would become more restrictive with my eating. I could never be satisfied with my figure. I wasn’t happy, so in 2018 I stopped practicing martial arts. I started to binge eat, cut myself, and drink. I isolated myself and came up with excuses to not socialize. I lost friends. I went through cycles of going to a gym to train and if I failed to go one day, I’d quit. This all or nothing, black and white thinking. It doesn’t help. More recently, my partner broke up with me, who is an amateur boxer and an amazing person. I think I could have been better. I saw I was attaching myself to her friends since I did not have any of my own. She has goals and dreams and I wanted that. I was living my life through her. This was a wake up call for me. I had to focus on what I wanted to do and I saw myself going down a dark path of poor coping skills. It’s not long but for 4 weeks now I’ve been actively training, kickboxing at a gym in my area, got invited to join the strike team, and loving it. I want to mirror my kickboxing like Jackie Buntan from one championship. Love watching her perform and appreciate her sportsmanship. It’s hard to go in sometimes but I know it’s worth it and I’m having fun again. I hear the demons sometimes and I accept they are here with me. But I can carry on.
