My name is Christina, born in Melbourne Australia from Vietnamese parents who immigrated to Australia by boat. Today I would describe myself as full of life, beautiful inside and out and resilient. In 2021, I was able to become a graduate of my degree in youth work which led me to become a disability support worker. As a side hustle, I am a certified reiki practitioner and work as a sous chef and waitress at a local cafe.I am a lover of martial arts (muay thai), singing, content creating and being in nature. I would regard myself as a bubbly person who could probably make friends with a tree if I wanted to.
But there’s a bit of a story to how I ended up here. When I was 3, my little brother and I were placed into a Vietnamese foster home, where we lived for 9 years. Here, I had 4 foster sisters and I always felt like I had to compete for attention and love. My dad, who lived in Sydney, and my mum, who lived in Melbourne, were allowed visitation, but growing up I always felt like my dad favoured my little brother. When he visited, he always held my brother’s hand and got him to sit on his lap. I justified this by telling myself maybe it was because I was a girl. It was just a ‘dad thing’, they just love their sons more than their daughters.
During primary school I was taken out of school to attend court where they were deciding who would have custody over my brother and I. I remember before going into the room, my mum looked at me, and said “remember to say you want to live with mum okay?”. I felt confused, I didn’t understand why she was reminding me. I felt wrong. At that age I was questioning if it was the right thing to do. Why did it feel like I was being coerced into living with her? And when it was time, the judge asked me who I would like to live with. I did exactly what I was told to do but it was still decided that my little brother and I continued living with our foster family instead.
It always felt like decisions were made for me and so I also became scared to make decisions for myself as I grew up. When I was 12, my brother and I moved in with my mum and lived with her for the first time. I was entering highschool and was navigating through this new dynamic – a mother daughter relationship. She demanded respect and I resisted. I spent my teenage years drinking, skipping school, pushing away my friends and family and getting into unhealthy relationships.
My mother’s substance use became more intense and I could see that it was starting to impact my mental health. I started experiencing panic attacks; always thinking and believing that something bad was going to happen. My body would become tense, my breath would become short and I would start hyperventilating. At this point, my mum had become heavily addicted to gambling and as the years went by, our relationship became estranged and so was the relationship I had with myself. I was constantly asking myself, why me? Why is this happening to me?
Completing highschool was challenging and something that I never thought I would be able to do. At this point, I was feeling pressured to find what I was passionate about. My mum pressured me to get into the field of real estate and so I did. I ended working at a real estate agency and after a few months I realised that I was doing this for my mum. Not because I was passionate about real estate but because I knew that it would make her feel happy and it would benefit her. It was at this point where I realised that I wanted to do what makes me happy. I graduated highschool with a 40 atar and made it into a bachelor degree for youth work. I was studying full time and also working part time in hospitality.
During this time, home no longer felt like home, it felt like everyone’s else home to escape their problems too. With mum’s substance use and people constantly coming in and out of the home, it felt unsafe. So at 20 I moved in with my partner. While I stayed at my partner’s house, I would always put my partner’s needs on top of my own needs. I thought that I needed to earn love, that love was transactional. It’s how I felt with my parents. My self esteem really dropped and I became extremely codependent on the relationship.
While living with my partner, my mum’s substance use was progressively getting worse. At the time, my little brother was living with her. I had a gut feeling that things were going to get worse, so I called my foster parents and told them the truth about what was happening at home. I never wanted to express how I was feeling out loud because then it would mean that it’s true and that I do need help. I was scared but at the same time I knew that I needed to be vulnerable and that I needed to share my story. I called my foster sister and she immediately showed compassion, she welcomed my brother with open arms and said that they were happy to take in my little brother.
A few months later. I was at home, laying in bed and received a phone call from a lawyer. The lawyer told me that I needed to pay 7 thousand dollars to apply for bail for my mum who has just been arrested. I remember my stomach dropped. I had just enough in my bank account and was conflicted about whether or not I should. I remember myself saying that I shouldn’t throw my whole life away. And so I stuck with that feeling. That was a real moment of triumph for me, being able to set those boundaries and say no. Something that I hadn’t practiced whenever it came to my mum.
After that phone call, I called my foster family and told my sisters about the situation. “It happened, can you pick up my brother?” And they did. They picked him up and he’s been staying there since. He’s healthy and safe now. During this time, I also found an old letter from my dad who lives in Sydney. The letter had lots of questions about my little brother, but none about me. I had a gut feeling about the letter, a lingering feeling from my childhood that maybe my dad from Sydney wasn’t really my dad after all… and so I told my older brother about my suspicions. He sat me down and told me the truth – that my biological dad actually lives in America. I bawled my eyes out, with relief more than anything – this was closure that it wasn’t simply jealousy or being overly ‘sensitive’ as a child. With the help of my eldest brother, I did some Facebook stalking and eventually found my biological dad from America, and 3 half sisters who live just a suburb away from me. I got in touch with them, and they welcomed me with open arms.
While some things were becoming clearer, I was also at my lowest point. I felt confused. I was trying to be grateful and positive in this situation but what I really needed was to be honest with myself and others when they are asked me how I was feeling.
Being honest with myself meant that I had to let go of my relationships so I decided to move out from my partner’s home. I was scared – I couldn’t live with my mum, I couldn’t live with any of my dads, I couldn’t live with my foster family because there was no more room. I felt like I had no one to go to, but I reached out to my cousin and opened up about my situation. She ended up helping me pack up and move into the spare room at her house. While couchsurfing with her, I was working hard to save, applying for properties, but was facing rejection and defeat. One day she asked me how things were going and I just broke down. I told her about how things were getting really dark for me, and that I was struggling. My cousin didn’t try to give me the solutions, she actually just cried with me, and for the first time, we hugged. I’d always been worried about facing judgment for showing my vulnerabilities, but this moment proved I would receive love, warmth and compassion. My cousin reassured me that I could stay with her as long as I would like.
This moment that I shared with my cousin made me question, maybe I’m not a burden. It motivated me to ask for help so i googled for a psychologist and youth workers in the western suburbs. I remember thinking to myself, wow i’m studying youth work right now and looking for a youth worker, how ironic. I got in contact with one and they helped me apply for rental properties.My youth worker was warm and understanding, he would remind me of my resilience, strength and helped me rebuild my self confidence.
I eventually got approved for a house and found housemates online and was officially moving out after living with my cousin for 2 months. This felt unreal. My half sisters helped me with the move, and my youth worker granted me funding so that I could buy my own furniture. I felt so guilty, I’d told myself that I just needed to work ‘hard’ and working hard means doing it by myself. But If I were to remove the stigma, remove the element of fear, would I do it? The answer was yes. But I needed to remind myself that it’s okay to need help, it’s okay to ask for help and to accept it when it’s given. So I used the funding to buy a mattress and a bed frame.
I lived with my 3 beautiful housemates for 2 years, after parting ways with my housemates, I moved in with my best friend for 1 year and kept in contact with my biological dad on Facebook who eventually moved to Vietnam to be closer to family, as well as caught up with my sisters for special occasions. Life seemed like it was going well but I was in survival mode – trying to process everything I went through. Everyday was an attempt to navigate the unresolved emotions I was holding onto – grief, anger, sadness, confusion and loneliness. I filled the void with many things, trying to chase adrenaline, anything to self medicate myself from what I was feeling – whether that be getting into relationships, excessively exercising or impulsive shopping.
My life took a turn when one night, I fell into a spiral of depression and decided I would go into training. I attended the muay thai class with the intention to surround myself with uplifting people and to get my mind off things. I was drilling a technique and dissociated for one moment and the next, I found myself on the ground, unable to get up. I tore my ACL. It was a big change for me. I literally had to learn how to slow down, how to prioritize myself, how to ask for help and allow myself to receive it.
At that point, I was working 3 different jobs (a support worker, dental receptionist and waitress). I quit my receptionist job as I was performing poorly and knew that I was no longer gaining value and stopped waitressing as I wasn’t able to be on my feet. I delved deeper into support work, expanded my capacity to take on new clients and started to realize my passion in supporting others.
After months of doing rehab, my partner and I were invited to our first destination wedding in Thailand. I decided that I would also make a trip out of it and also visit my family in Vietnam who I haven’t seen in 8 years. It was also where my biological dad moved to, so I could meet him for the first time too.
The next 7 months, I worked hard on my rehab and found myself exploring different ways of healing – reiki. I became a certified reiki practitioner after completing my course in Sydney and wanted to find a way I could get as much hands on experience as I could before my trip to Thailand and Vietnam so I created a fundraiser where the proceeds received from each person who wanted reiki treatment would go towards an orphanage in Vietnam when I did my solo travels. This way, as I was still trying to navigate the worth of my service, people were able to donate to help themselves but also help something greater than them.
The fundraiser was so successful, I was able to get so much hands-on experience and learn along each session, what I did well in and what I could have improved on and not only that but we raised over $1000 UAD which was donated to 2 orphanages in Vietnam.
After the first week of Thailand, my partner and I decided to break up due to longstanding and unresolved differences in the past. We broke up on the 7th of February and on the 10th of February I received the news that my grandma, who I planned to visit in Vietnam, had passed away. I was devastated, it felt like 2 people had died at the same time.
I went on my solo travels with the intention of seeing my family and grandma but wasn’t able to make time. I was given the opportunity to meet my biological father for the first time and develop a relationship with him. I went into it without any expectations, I wanted to just go into it feeling grateful that I was brought into this world as the only association I had of him was the feeling of abandonment.
My family from my mums side was a bit reluctant for me to meet my dad but my aunty remembered that he visited once over 20 years ago at my grandmas house with my mum before I was born. She said that my father had a tattoo on his arm and that she wanted to confirm with him over video call. He called her and showed his tattoo and he was given permission to come to my grandmas house and meet me for the first time.
He drove 2 hours down and I still remember this feeling. He walked out of the car and walked up towards me to hug me. I hugged him and held on a little tighter. My eyes started to water. I felt like a younger version of me was screaming internally
“Omg I’m daddy’s girl”
“Omg I have a dad”
It felt like I accomplished a long life mission or dream of a young girl who thought this desire would never come to life. It was truly healing. We spent the day together reuniting with my dads side of the family and sharing a home cooked meal. I left feeling nothing but gratitude and heart full of love.
I have 4 half brothers and 3 half sisters. I’m yet to reunite or find my younger brothers in America but my plan is to connect with them if that’s something they are wanting.
On this present day, I’ve been a support worker for 3 years and I love what I do. I love supporting individuals to live to their fullest potential and be that one person there to guide and support them in achieving what they desire – it was what I needed when I was a child. I reunited with my younger brother and live together with him and my beautiful housemate. I am currently recovering from my ACL operation and working towards getting back to Muay Thai. I currently support my mum into her recovery and rehab and have set firm boundaries with her in terms of what I need as a her child in order to help her.
I found peace in God. Although I didn’t have my parents there to guide and protect me, I am blessed with the greatest support system – I wouldn’t be who I am today without my foster parents who shaped me into the person that I am today, my foster sisters, my half brothers and sisters, friends and most of all – God. When I was alone and I had no one, here was there. He never failed me. I feel so protected and loved to be his child, for his my Father and he blessed me with Love in so many other ways that I never knew.
My demons didn’t just go away overnight, and my problems didn’t just get smaller. I just got bigger. I started to trust in my own resources, I started to ask for help and I started to forgive myself.
My story sounds like a horror movie and I’m the main character. But I believe that I experienced all that I did by the age of 23 so that I could spend the rest of my life being of service to others.
And although I didn’t become a real estate agent, like my mum wanted, I was able to create agency in my own life through making my own decisions, rewriting my own narrative and now becoming an agent of change for others.
